25th Hour

As the clock slowly counts down to the 13th of December, it becomes apparent that life has it ways in putting people into directions willingly or not. I was going through the papers and even the authority called this a liability. It therefore made me wonder if this is a form of social control. I would like to read that book Crime and Punishment some time soon.

Do not get me wrong. There is no use in resisting and fighting. I have got no intention in doing so as well. In fact, I see this as a form of holiday. A break, from all the disappointment that clouded my life for the past few months.

I had left home when I was 19. As much as I had denied it, it was pretty tough. This time, it feels the same, but different in it ways. The play field is different and the only positive point is that I get to be brain dead once more.

At the heights of my sailing days, I was at one with the movement of the vessel. It is a sheer state of being. It is like almost enlighten.

For the past few days, there has been a lot of attempts to make some sort of get together and what have you – farewell gathering. Though it is in my name, I feel I am entertaining my parents more. More and more, I feel the calling and the need for my to fulfill Project Immortality. Like Into the Wild, my final showdown to kill the false me in within.

I would like to borrow from the movie these words, ‘I read somewhere that is it not important to be strong, but feel strong.’


Final Transmission

I once came across a book of final radio transmission of sinking vessels. They were beautifully drafted. I wish I had got that kind of talent. For this is my final transmission. Unlike the last time I left home, I was full of ambitions and vigor. This time round, it feels more like the death of the soul. For the first time, I feel empty and hollow.

Death commences in 5… 4… 3…. 2…